This one is for the moms…..
Okay so motherhood was definitely the biggest life changer I received. I thought cancer was and some people say it is easier to look back and think something was easier but you forget how hard it was during. But to me, the plus side of cancer was in many ways – I got loved and taken care of. I didn’t ask for it to happen and I sure wouldn’t want it to happen again but I received presents, was told to lie down, rest, eat well, and take care of me. I received fluids to make sure I was hydrated and prayers from all over. Now motherhood – well – to be honest – it is not always the most refreshing thankful job and I think I have raised Kira well. Now when mommy is sad – yes she gives me love but the day to day is me providing love, nourishment, physical exercise, support, clean clothes, school supplies, play dates, etc etc etc. Even my watching of Hart of Dixie or anything that fuels my fire is taken over by the Inbestigators. So it is easy for me to lose me in the WE. And yes, it is also the most purposeful and rewarding job I have ever had and a love like no other – don’t get me wrong.
But – sometimes a girl needs time to just take care of one peep. Herself. I probably should have realized I needed this (but atlas, live & learn) back when I got a speeding ticket in Switzerland and upon receiving/translating the letter, I realized I had two options. One was to pay 600 francs and the other was to spend 3 nights in jail and I actually was intrigued by the second option. I thought to myself, clean, free of clutter, minimalistic space all to myself while being fed possibly some delicious rosti covered in cheese made by all natural cows with a tie to the land and no need for lactaid here my friends – sounds like it could be good! Maybe like a silent meditation? But I went the payment route and proceeded.
So when I had the blessing of 2 weeks to myself while Stan visited Oma in Colorado and Kira got some Omi’s time – I was excited. I returned to the simplicity of taking care of one being and filling up my cup so that I could center myself, spend some time appreciating slowness and stillness, and mend some of the emotions I had stuffed in an effort to support my family. And here is what I wrote about those amazing 2 weeks:
These past two weeks – I said yes to me in the kindest, most gentle way possible. A way unknown to me, never taught and never programmed into my psyche.